Freaking Out

Tonight Kate was in a particularly silly mood as she was trying anything she could to recreate "America's Funniest Home videos" She continued to get louder and sillier concluding with grabbing some of Matt's chips and throwing them in the air. That didn't go over so well with Matt who quickly told her to clean up the chips. I think he was getting a headache from all the screaming the girls were doing, and he wasn't really appreciating Kate's humor. Kate slowly began to clean up the chips while still laughing and being silly. I think this only aggravated her father even more who kindly told her to clean them up faster. Kate looked at him and matter of factly said, "I am cleaning them up, stop Freaking out!"

It was probably one of the funniest things I've ever heard out of her mouth. Only because I can't count the number of times I've heard Matt say things like that to me. Matt didn't think her talking back was as funny and she ended up on time out while I tried as hard as I could to control my laughter.

And being the good wife that I am I kindly reminded Matt who she sounded like. I don't think he appreciated my reminder as much as I did.

Almost 12 weeks

I thought I would do a better job of updating my pregnancy stuff. I've been feeling pretty good and up until this week was wearing my size 2 jeans from american eagle. Although the past few days I've been eating like crap. I've eaten sooo much. I tried the jeans on today and they were super tight. Looks like I need to cut back on the junk. I really don't want to get super fat this pregnancy like I have in the past. So I'm going to try to start keeping a log of what I've been eating. I weighed myself yesterday and it was 116lbs. I about died when I saw that! I can't believe how much I've gained!!!!!

12-2-11
Breakfast: Nutrigrain bar, 1/2 a hot chocolate

Lunch: 1 cup cottage cheese, 2 clementine oranges

Snack: a handful of pretzles

Dinner: a salad from Chipoltle, chicken with beans, rice, corn. and chips and salsa (ate way too much for dinner. I had felt hungry all day, luckily didn't eat any snacks after dinner though! baby steps, right.

Pregnancy

So far I'm 8 weeks along in this pregnancy. I felt great up until about 6 1/2 weeks and for the last week and 1/2 I've felt nauseous all the time. I usually feel fine in the mornings and by lunch I think I'm going to throw up. I've tried to eat healthy and have for the most part except for today which I ate lucky charms, Hershey kisses for lunch, followed by more lucky charms. I think I'm going to barf now.

On the bright side I've been trying hard to work out in the mornings, well at least 3-4 mornings a week. I've been walking for 40 minutes and even did a little jogging the other morning.

I'm weighing in at 111lbs.

Even though I haven't felt very good, I just hope this baby is healthy and that the pregnancy goes by quickly :).

Mommy

As I was putting Kate to bed tonight she said to me, "You'll always be my Mommy, right?" And I feeling a little guilty at that point from the amount of time she had spent on time out this evening, replied, "Yes, I will always be your Mommy." She then thought for a minute and I could see her smile disappear as she said, "Even when your a Grandma you'll still be my Mommy, right? I can still call you Mom can't I?" I could see her face turn sad and the tears start to well up in her eyes. I hugged her tighter than I have in a long time and told her I will always and forever be her Mommy and she can always call me Mom no matter how old I am or she is. She wiped the tears from her eyes as I told her how much I love her and how much she means to me.

It was so sweet and yet so heartbreaking to see her fears that maybe one day I wouldn't be her Mom. I love my girls soooo much and I hope that I tell them as much they need to hear it. I told Kate that Daddy and I got married in the temple so that we could be a family forever, so that I would always be her Mommy. How grateful I feel for that choice that Matt and I made. And for having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.

Today while driving the Preschool car pool Gabriella threw a HUGE fit over listening to Sharpay sing from High School Musical. Every time the song would end and another one start she would scream and scream until I switched it back to Sharpay. I later asked her if she loved me and she said "No, I wove Sharpay." I wonder if I should be worried?

Today while I was watching a T.V. show Gabriella said to me, "What dey talking about mommy?" It was too cute and I had no idea she could say that or understand enough to ask that question. I mean seriously, this girl is 2.

Yesterday

I took Gabriella with me to the dr. yesterday. As we were sitting in the waiting room the nurse would come out and say "Marci" Gabriella would look at me and really loudly say "Mama, where Marci go?" Then the nurse would come and call out "Trina" Gabriella would again look at me and say "Mama, where Trina go?" It was jut too cute. Another man fell asleep in the waiting room and Gabriella looked at him, then pointed and said "What happened?" "What happened?" I tried to explain to her he's sleeping (while whispering) then she'd say "Oh sleeping!" She interacted or worried about every person in that office. It was pretty funny.

In other news, I found out this pregnancy which I found out about on 10-7-11 is only 4 weeks along not 6 1/2 like I thought. I have to go back Wed to see if the pregnancy is viable or not. If it's not I will miscarry. I don't really feel pregnant so I'm guessing I will miscarry. I felt really sad yesterday after getting home from the dr. office. I had pregnancy symptoms last week but the past 5 days I've felt nothing really. Today I just feel detached. I know Matt is sad but he just keeps saying well lets stay positive that Wed. everything will turn out just fine. I didn't want to tell him that I already know inside it will be a miscarriage. I wonder if he blames me. He told me that we'll just keep trying and next time We'll be more positive. I think what he really means is next time I should be more positive. He thought I wasn't excited to be pregnant. I actually was really excited but I felt cautious from the beginning. Maybe inside I knew right away something was off. Well either way we'll find out tomorrow for sure.

I told my friend Aftin the news because she brought Kate home to her house after preschool. She's been through 3 miscarriages and it really helped to talk to her about it. I then told Mom only because we had already told her and dad about the pregnancy when they were here visiting us. I found out I was pregnant on their last day here. It was fun to tell them but now I'm wishing I wouldn't have said anything.

I know the Lord has a plan for all things, and things will work out eventually. But until then we just wait, a theme it seems in my life.

Kate said today, "Mom I'm not allergic to nice things, I'm just allergic to mean things."

Update

We finally took the plunge and after getting Gabriella situated with her big girl bed we moved Kate back into that room (or should I say into that room). It's been 3 nights now and she is doing great. Gabriella started waking up at 6am, it's not that bad but I'm hoping she'll out grow it. Kate still wakes up and comes into our room several times a night. I'm also hoping she'll out grow that as well.

Kate started Dance class a few week ago at Michaela's Dance Magic. She's loved the class so far and it has been so fun to watch her confidence build in herself. The owner of the studio Michaela teaches the class which I have really loved. The teacher makes all the little girls learn all the technical names for all the dance moves they do. It is a ballet/tap class.

Gabriella is talking a ton lately. last night at dinner I helped her say the prayer. I'd whisper a sentence in her ear and then she would repeat one or two words from the sentence. She did a great job and I was so proud of her for saying some big words she's never said before. She can repeat pretty much anything we say and is combining words to form 2, 3 and 4 word sentences. She loves High School Musical and yesterday when she woke up from her nap I told her she could pick any movie to watch; Tangled, Toy Story, Bambi, and she chose...High School Musical 2.

Gabriella loves playing with Kate. She wants to do everything Kate does. She loves walking around with purses on and putting on Kate's shoes. She started walking up and down the stairs unassisted last week. Every time her little legs take a step down the stairs while she holds onto nothing I hold my breath a little. She continues to be a happy, fun person to be around.

Kate seems to have changed so much since we moved here. I think Preschool has been really great for her. She comes home so happy (and a little tired). She is a critically thinking child and asks all sorts of questions about everything. Some things I answer and that's not enough for her so he will ask again and again until I'm more through with my answers. It's been so much fun watching her feelings develop and her curiosity for the things around her. She's pretty sensitive to the way she is treated by others and I would say remains a little confident in her abilities. Both traits that came from me. I know what it's like to give up if you think you can't do something. I feel like I missed out on so many fun opportunities because I was like that. I hope I can help her to overcome those things. It's amazing watching your children grow and seeing how evident all your own personal flaws become apparent. I can see now why having children is such a building and growing experience for parents. It teaches you patience you never knew you were capable of, sacrifice, charity, and love.

Matt received a full time offer from Petsmart which we are really excited about. He has one more year of school and then after that hopefully they will bump him up and we'll be making more money and one day get back into a house again. The job has been great, they seem like a really wonderful company to be with. We feel so blessed for how things have worked out. I know the Lord's hand was there guiding us the whole way and I am so grateful for the last year and for how much I have grown and learned to trust in the Lord. And also for the blessing it's been for me to learn patience. It has not always been my strongest quality but I'm grateful that my heavenly Father gave me the opportunity to grow and learn.

As for me, I'm making friends in the ward which has been so great. It has been a really welcoming ward and although it was still hard at first I'm starting to feel more settled in. Matt and I received callings last week and I think that will help as well. I'll be teaching in the primary and Matt is helping with Scouts. I've been so appreciative to the women who have reached out to me and showed me kindness. This last week we were invited over to Bill and Aftin Aaron's for FHE and we all had a great time. I hope I continue to make great life long friends here that my kids can grow up and know and that will help to be like family for me. I just feel so blessed and so grateful for all our blessings. Last week the first counselor in the bishopric came by our apartment to ask Matt and I to serve in our callings. Before he asked us he said a word of prayer and in the prayer prayed that I (Amanda) would have the patience I needed as I deal with our children. At first I was a bit taken back that he said it but I have noticed a mark change this last week in how I deal with the kids. I had been getting so impatient and snappy and frustrated. I didn't realize how different I had been until almost the end of the week when I thought to myself, wow I have hardly raised my voice this week. And during transitioning the girls into the same room it took about 10 trips into the room with someone out of bed, someone yelling, to finally get them to go to sleep, and normally I would have been so frustrated but I wasn't. I just want to testify that the priesthood is real, I had that reconfirmed to me this week. The Bishopric are men called of God. I am so grateful for that experience.

So Sweet

Last night was Kate's first night sleeping in the same room as Gabriella. After about 5 times of me going in and telling them to get back in bed and 5 times of Kate yelling for me because Gabriella was getting out of her bed I finally decided to lay on the floor until they fell asleep. I was laying in between their beds. I finally thought I had them all settled down when Gabriella sat up, I was about to firmly remind her to lay back down when she said, "Here Monney" and handed me a pillow. Then she laid back down and went right to sleep. Her sweet and simple act completely melted my heart. She seems to be so aware of others, what a great quality to have.

Funny

Kate and I were walking through Walgreens the other day when she saw a little plunger.

Kate "Mom, look at that little plunger."

Me "Yea, cool."

Kate "Maybe for my birthday you could get me that and then I can clog the toilet!"

Me "um...what?"

A Prayer Answered

Yesterday as I was doing nothing out of the ordinary around the house I had a feeling or thought come to me; pray that Matt will have his internship extended. I thought about it for a minute then brushed it off. The feeling left and I continued on my day. A few hours later I remembered again how powerful that thought had entered my mind and what a distinct specific thing it was to pray for. So this time I wandered into my room, by myself, knelt at the side of my bed and prayed.

My prayer was specific, it was specific to those making the decisions about his internship and it was specific about Matt's abilities to work and to impress. After the prayer I didn't feel anything special, no answers came to me, I just felt normal and went about my day as I normally would forgetting all about that special prayer I was told to pray.

Later in the day I received a text message from Matt telling me he was having a meeting with his boss Dave to discuss future opportunities. After the meeting Matt let me know that Dave told him they are 98% sure they will keep him on until the end of the year and then re-evaluate and see what openings they have. Basically they are extending the internship. At that moment the prayer came back to me, and I felt my testimony of prayer grow. The Lord does hear our prayers and our pleadings. I needed to have that experience to remember how aware of us our heavenly Father is. I am so grateful for the blessing being here has been and I am so grateful for a Father in heaven who hears and answers our prayers.

Quail

After taking Kate to preschool today I watched a family of Gamble Quail cross a busy road. The Dad was out front leading the way and behind him was a single file line of about 12-15 tiny baby quail and behind them was the Mama quail. It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen! It made my day.

Moving to Phoenix

We finally made the move down to Phoenix. We packed up the loading truck May 25 and 26th. Thanks to the help of Matt's mom, Melissa, and Dave we were able to get all packed up and the house cleaned and ready to go. Karen drove the pilot with the girls and I the next day down to Phoenix. We then unloaded Saturday. Matt's Dad, Dan, and Mom all helped us get moved in. We really appreciated them coming to help us, I can't imagine having done that by ourselves. I'm so grateful for such great family that are now a little closer.

After taking the week to get all moved in and unpacked we're finally starting to get into the groove of things here. We enjoyed the week before Matt headed to work at Pet Smart by going to the outlet malls, playing in the splash pad, driving to Ikea and Bass Pro Shop, swimming almost everyday, and making a few trips to Walmart for groceries.

We've enjoyed Phoenix so far and are adjusting to life in an apartment. I think storage is our biggest problem, we just have too much stuff!

Today was Matt's first day at PetSmart. I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Slumber Party

Last night Kate had a really, really late nap. Luckily she work up in a pleasant mood. She was being so cute painting pictures, talking, and giving sweet hugs that we decided to do something really fun last night and have a slumber party with mom and dad. It's not unlike every other night that she sleeps in our bed but tonight we picked out a movie (of her choice) popped some popcorn and cuddled up in bed together. Kate was just about as happy as I've ever seen her. She put one arm around my neck and one arm around Matt's neck and just smiled ear to ear. It was such a tender moment and fun one to get to spend with just her. I'm so grateful I let down my usual expectations of bed time and enjoyed every moment I had to spend with that sweet little girl. About an hour into the movie Matt was out and I was about to fall asleep when Kate exclaimed to me, "Mom I never sleep at Slumber parties!" And that was almost true. It was about 1am before either of us went to sleep. But well worth the tired eyes we all have today.

The Hand of The Lord

I apologize for my weak words and story telling that will never do the feelings in my heart justice but I felt it so important to write down some of the events that have happened over the past 6 months and are continuing to happen.

When Matt came home from work one night and told me he was done working at Hamilton's (by choice) my heart sank. I felt a deep pit in my stomach as worries of the future swirled through my head. I don't do well with change or insecurity and both were rushing their way into my life filling me with doubt about both my future and my husband.

We decided to get the house on the market and worked harder than ever to clean out the house, organize every closet, drawer, repaint, clean up the backyard, and sort through all the junk in our garage. It just makes me tired thinking of all the work we did. The house was listed just one week after the life altering announcement. I couldn't help but feel like the our future was so foggy, I just couldn't quite get a grip on what was to come. I felt no real direction as the months past and we had no job, no offers on the home, no internship opportunity, and a low supply of money. I would wake up in the mornings feeling weighed down by my own worries and insecurities of our future and think to myself, "This is terrible, what are we going to do?" In the same instant Matt would walk into the room and say to me, "Isn't this great! What a wonderful opportunity we have in front of us that we didn't have before." I wished I shared his sense of security and faith but I'm embarrassed to say my faith was about as dim as it had ever been.

As another few months past, we filled the time visiting family members, making a couple trips to Phoenix for internship interviews that didn't pan out, and trying to adjust to life with Matt home all the time. I'll admit and I'm sure Matt would to I wasn't my most pleasant self during that time. I felt so much frustration towards Matt and blamed him for our predicament, or as I've come to realize, I blamed him for forcing me out of my comfortable life I had been living and into change and the uncertainty of the future. I tried to be patient, and as much as I started to hope that things would change I still had this feeling deep inside we were nowhere near done with the lessons the Lord was teaching us at that time.

In March Matt found out he received an internship offer from PetSmart for the summer. Finally we had a little direction. With that direction came a huge sense of relief on my part. I felt like that weight that had been getting heavier and heavier on my shoulders was starting to lift. I was proud of Matt and excited for the future of our family. Still there was the issue of our home. The market had dropped significantly since we had purchased the home and with the advice of our relator we decided to short sale the home. I had mixed feelings about the situation mostly feeling bad and frustrated that again things didn't work out perfectly just like I wanted. But as my steady as a rock husband would say, "It is what it is, there's nothing we can do about it so don't worry." We continued to have showings weekly, but still no offers.

In May Mom, Tanya, and Amber flew out to Utah and we traveled to Provo for Women's Conference. I felt so spiritually broken down and wasted at that point in my life. I had tried to do the right things, tried to have faith with regards to the future of our family, but something was still missing for me. The week at Women's Conference was the answer to so many hours of praying for understanding and clarity in my life. I felt the spirit stronger than I had in months, and I grew closer to my Father in heaven and to my Savior than I had been in years. I felt like the veil was thinned a little and my spiritual eyes were awakened. I began to feel and learn things in a new way. I learned things about Christ I had never thought of before. I felt the reality of the atonement, and it settled deeper in my soul than ever before. I can't quite describe the transformation that took place but it was magnificent. I came home on a spiritual high and it took about a day for reality to set back in. I was back in the grind of things. The constant companionship of the spirit gradually diminished as frustration and impatience took it's place.

The week after Women's Conference I headed back to work at Logan Physical Therapy. I as there to help out part time but due to some immaculate timing on the Lord's part Janet left town to be with her dying father. Her father passed away while she was there and I worked the week for her. It was all really perfect timing looking back. I wouldn't have been able to work any other week full time and Janet had made the trip unexpectedly. I was so grateful she was able to be there with him when he passed and so grateful to have been able to work for her. That week of working full time taught me to appreciate Matt's role of working outside the home. We both joked that I wouldn't make a very good husband. I dreaded coming home to a messy house, children in their pajamas, dinner waiting to be cooked, and utter exhaustion by the end of the night. I would nag at Matt about the messy house and kids. I think we were both much more appreciative of the others role in our family after that week.

And here I am to the week before we are to move to Phoenix. This last Wednesday we lowered the price of our home, had a showing Wednesday afternoon which I worked my tail off to clean for. As I was cleaning I felt this little spark inside me, a light that was gradually burning brighter and brighter. It was like the fogginess that had clouded my vision for so long was beginning to be overpowered by the light. I just knew that this was it, this was the one. The next day the realtor called to let us know we had an offer. My heart lept for joy when I found out. We headed to the realtor's office Thursday to sign paperwork and send the offer to the bank. I had heard horror stories about short sales and instances where the bank would take 3 months to approve an offer. Luckily for us our loan was through Utah Housing Corp. a small local company. Again I felt the light inside, my faith was finally crowding out the doubt that had buried itself inside me for so long.

Today Matt received a call from the Realtor letting us know she had taken the offer to the bank. They need a little more information but told her they would let her know on the offer by next Friday. I was shocked at how quick that was, I was expecting months. I can't help but feel so much love and gratitude in my heart for my heavenly Father. Looking back over the past 6 months I can see how relevant and real the Lord's hand has been in our life. I can see how much I have grown and learned. I can't help but feel like Matt and I were both being refined for a higher purpose and calling. Heavenly Father was so gentle holding my hand along the way, even when I was resisting, and dragging my feet along the way. I am so grateful for the Lord's timing in my life. For the lesson of patience I have learned and for the amount of empathy I have gained through the last 6 months. What a blessing and special time this experience has been for me. I learned to align my will with the will of my Father in heaven and though I'm still far from where I need to be I feel so much closer to Him. There have been so many tender mercies along the way I keep thinking I need to start a journal to fill with them all. Maybe one of these days I'll start my list of all the ways the Lord has let me know he loves me and I am His daughter, a daughter of God. I will forever be grateful for the Lord's timing, and for His tender mercies that tell me daily that I am loved.

Easter

We were lucky enough to get to spend a week and a half in California with Matt's Mom, Dad, and brother Dan. We truly enjoyed every minute of the trip. The girls loved swimming in the beautiful warm pool, we did a little shopping, a lot of playing outside, went fishing, and flew remote control helicopters.

Matt's parents' were kind enough to watch the girls while Matt and I ventured on to Phoenix to find a place to live. The trip was a success and the girls loved their time with just Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Dan.

We came back from Phoenix and spent Easter Sunday going to church and having a great Easter egg hunt. The trip was so much fun, a special thanks to Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Dan for spoiling us and letting us play for the week.

Resurrection

We arrived home safe and sound last night to find that after 3 years of living in our home Kate's Beta fish had bit the dust. The fish had made it through every trip we've been on without being fed. This time the heat was shut off in our home and I think he froze to death. Kate was pretty upset about the whole ordeal last night. This morning she woke up happy ran into her room and said "Ah, the fish isn't resurrected yet!" She was certain he would be alive in the morning when she woke up.

Unsure

I've thought for the past few days that I'm pregnant. I took a pregnancy test this afternoon and it came up negative. I've been really stressed out about it, not because I don't want another baby but because the timing isn't exactly great. I'm probably not and just making up all my symptoms in my head.

In other news I found a replacement band for my wedding ring. My ring broke about 7 months ago and we've never gotten it fixed. I took it in to have it looked at and they didn't think they could fix it and keep the integrity of the prongs. So I've been looking here and there and finally found a beautiful setting I LOVE! It's a halo setting with pave diamonds up and down the sides. Simply stunning. I'm not sure we can swing it right now but we'll see.

I was a little "off" today. I was taking it out on everybody. Matt in all his kindness tried his best to make me happy. He watched the girls so I could sew, he took them out for dessert after dinner, and he came home with a huge chocolate cake for me. He did the dishes and cleaned up the house. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful best friend to be nice even when I'm not, and to try to be the peacemaker of the home. I love him.

Funny Day

Had a couple of funny things happen today:

1. I took Kate shopping with me today, as we were leaving I said to Kate, "Say goodbye to the lady." The Lady waved and said goodbye to Kate, while Kate just stood there with her head down. As we were leaving I was trying to explain to Kate how it's not nice to ignore people when they talk to you. She thought for a minute then replied "But I'm just allergic to doing that." (referring to talking to the lady)

2. Matt went outside with the girls today to push them on the swings. Our backyard is flooded at the moment and as Matt was pushing Kate on the swing he pushed her body a little too hard and Plop! Off the swing she went flat into the water on her back. She came in screaming soaked from head to toe. As Matt relayed the story to me we both had to fight back the laughter at the image of him pushing her off the swing and into the water.

3. Gabriella said Snow White today or "Oh Whi." And this morning I said "That's Crazzzy!" In which Gabriella replied "Caaaazzzy!"

4. Lately when Kate doesn't want to do something like go to bed, she will say to us "I'm just not too sure about that." It's so funny and she says it often.

5. Gabriella yelled for Kate all day today. From the minute she woke up and sat in her chair she was yelling "Kayyyyyyyeeee!" "Kayyyyyyyeeee!" It's just too cute to hear her yell Kate's name, and even cutter to hear Kate respond "Yes Gabriella, I'm right here."

Update

The girls just keep getting older and cuter these days. Here's a quick update of what we've been up to. This past month we traveled to Phoenix for Dodger Spring Training and because Matt had a 2nd interview with Pet Smart. Matt's mom and dad and Dan met up with us. We had a great time playing and going to a Dodger game. After arriving home from that trip 4 days later we loaded up in the car and drove to Omaha for 3 weeks. It was such a fun time. Amer and John were there with their kids looking for houses so we were able help babysit and tag along for the excitement. Mom was teaching a class for Stake Women's Conference on Marriage. It was certainly a highlight of the trip for me. We were in a crazy hail storm that damaged all the cars. We went the zoo, Olivia's 4th Birthday Party, went swimming at the YMCA, Fished a lot, and went to a Barber shop Courtet concert with Mom and Dad. It was such a fun time. It was the first time in a long while that I've had a hard time leaving. I think the reality that all my family will be in Omaha beginning this summer except me was hard. But as always, things will all work out.

During our trip Matt received a call from Pet Smart saying he had been accepted for the summer internship. So we're headed to Phoenix in June with the possiblity of staying on while he finishes school. He'll be working with the director of the Pet Hotels. I really hope he likes it and more importantly they like him. We're just excited to finally be moving on and to have things working out.

Gabriella and Kate play much better together now. Some of their favorite things to do together are dance, run around being horses, watch Tangled, and another dangerous game where Gabriella holds onto the back of Kate's shirt while Kate runs fast. Usually that ends in Gabriella smacking into a wall or door frame. It's been so fun to watch them play and laugh together.

Gabriella's vocabulary has been exploding a lot lately. She says a ton of words;
Kate "Kayeee!" (Usually yelling)
No "NOOOO!" (Also yelling)
More "Mo"
Please "PEEEES"
Back "Ba"
Rapunzel "Rapa"
Pascal "Papal"
Go "gogo"

She still loves babies and having baths. She loves the movie Tangled and gets sooo excited every time we put it on. She starts to yell and run around screaming. She loves the dog and has been helping to mix Maya's food with her water. I took her to Nursery for the first time today. She made it a grand total of 10minutes before I could hear her screaming in the hallway. It's unfortunate because she was so excited at first to be there. Although she still can't say sentences and tell you the name of what she wants, she is very good at communicating what she wants. If you guess wrong she shakes her head no and just keeps pointing till you figure it out. And I'm always impressed by how much she understands. Nothing gets by this girl, she is aware and understands EVERYTHING!

Kate has really started to pretend lately. It's so fun to hear her dolls and animals talking. She loves all things horses and often is found playing with either her plastic or stuffed horses. She finds ribbon or belts to make bridals and saddles, then pretends to ride them all around the house. Today she made a little corral out of pillows and had her horse in there with her. She fed it, played with it, and made it toys while the horse was in the corral. She loves to ask questions and seems to understand so much more than I think she does. We started reading a kids Book of Mormon and she loves it. She knows who Lehi, Nephi, Laman, Lemuel, and Laban are. She can tell you all the stories we've learned about. It has surprised me how much she has enjoyed reading the stories.

She seems to be getting really sensitive to getting in trouble. She does not like it if you talk stern or "mean" to her and she hates being put on time out. She tries hard to do what's right, you can tell she is just such a good little girl. I'm always impressed with how well behaved she is when other adults are around. It's like she shines just to show them how cute and happy and obedient she is. I can't even count how many times I've had adults say to me, "Wow she is just a little angel, can I take her home with me?" She loves to talk and tell stories. Lately at night time she tells us a detailed story of the movie Tangled going through every character and all their lines. It takes FOREVER but it's so darn cute to see her do the facial actions to Pascal, and to hear her excitement whenever Maximus comes into the scene.

I love spending time with her. She is just such a good little girl and is trying so hard to do what's right.

I love my little family more than anything. I'm so excited for the adventure that awaits us in the next few months. We're headed next week to California and then on to Phoenix to find a house to live in.

Sick Days and Pictures

Kate woke up this morning at 4:30am, not feeling too well. She wanted to go downstairs and watch a movie. I took her down, set up a movie, and tried to help her feel better. I took her temperature and found it rather high. We were supposed to have Joy School at our house today which I had to cancel. I was luckily able to get Kate into the Dr. at 9am, they checked her out and determined she has a nasty sinus infection. The poor girl, she's been pretty out of it today. Luckily the medicine is helping ease some of the symptoms. I sure hope she gets better soon.

Tonight while Matt and I were trying to give her the medicine she needs to take, she was completely refusing and screamig she didn't want to take it. We decided to try to force it down her throat. The poor thing was laying on Matt's lap screaming, thrashing around trying to get away. I put a little in her mouth but because of her screaming she started to gag. She then involuntarily threw up all over Matt. As sad as I felt for Kate, Matt and I couldn't keep from laughing. He had throw up all over his pants. After that I explained to Kate that if you plug your nose and take the medicine you won't taste it. I told her that's how I used to do it when I was little like her. She then stopped crying and took her medicine like it was no big deal plugging her nose the whole time. Who would have known that was all it would take. I was so proud of her for being such a big girl and choosing to take the medicine so willingly.

This afternoon Melissa brought Audrey over to take her one year pictures in the special dress. She was here for about an hour or so and we were able to get some super cute pictures of Audrey. It's so fun being able to do things like that for family and friends. I hope one day I get even better at photography so I can continue to capture those beautiful memories and bring joy into people's lives.

Today

We had preschool here today which went fine. The kids were pretty wound up and we all enjoyed a few games of Duck-duck-goose, red light green light, and simon says. It's a lot of fun having them here and watching them interact. During preschool I found out Matt did not get the Bank of America internship. I felt pretty crushed, but I guess that's life. I just feel so uneasy not knowing what the future holds for us. It's been hard not having the stability of a steady income, worrying about money to buy food, money to buy the kids clothes, all the things we had been so blessed to not have to worry about for so long. I guess I just never thought I would ever be in this situation in my life. We lowered the house on the price today to 10,000 less than we started at. That means we'll be bringing money to the table to sell it. Basically any and all savings (in other words our tax return) will go towards selling the house, that is if we can sell the house. I know I haven't had as much faith as I need to so I guess this is all a part of the process, learning to trust in the Lord's plan, being humbled, and relying on the Lord more than ever before.

Considering some of the world events going on lately, riots all over in the middle east, fears of raising oil prices, and an unmaintainable amount of debt here in the U.S., I've been a little on edge lately. I've been trying to hug my kids a little tighter, and spend a little more quality time loving them.

It just feels like so much in my life is completely out of my control and up in the air right now. I sure hope I can look back at this time and realize what a great blessing it all was. I guess I need a little uplifting, have faith! Be hopeful, and fill your life with the good and the light, serve those around you, and love the Lord, all things will workout for your good! Hold your head up, things will work out, be grateful for the small things!

Amanda

Highlights

I really want to start writing more frequently so I don't forget some of the great and funny things that have happened recently. So in a really simple format, here goes;

1. Gabriella loves to "sit on the potty" just like Kate. She demands to do it several times a day. After seating her on the potty she insists I put the stool under her feet. She sits for a second then grabs some toilet paper, wipes, and then flushes. Maybe it will help her so that she's easier to potty train then Kate was. At least I'm hoping all the time on the potty is worth some positive influence.

2. Kate went to sit on her little frog potty yesterday and after a minute started screaming. She started screaming "BUG!!!" After another second she was bloody murder crying. I ran in and saw a little spider on the side of her frog potty. I quickly killed it but she was pretty traumatized from the experience.

3. Kate and Gabriella love to play together now. Every time Kate lays down Gabriella quickly crawls onto her back to sit on her. Another favorite is when Gabriella holds onto the back of Kate's shirt then Kate runs around. Gabriella screams and laughs, and usually ends up falling down which she also loves.

4. I took the girls over to Melissa's so I could go visit Uncle Sherman in the hospital today and on the way over Kate was so cute, she kept saying to me "Mom when you say to me, Kate can you clean up the toys, I'll say, Okay Mom. And when you say, Kate eat your dinner, I'll say, Okay Mom. And when you say, Kate it's time for bed, I'll say, Okay Mom." It was too cute. She has been so good and cute since Matt's been out of town.

5. Matt flew to Charlotte for second round interviews with Bank of America, and was told he would hear a decision of yes or no by today. Well it's almost midnight and he received no word. We were so disappointed. Usually if you hear nothing that means it's a no. I cried, and felt so hopeless for a little while. I know it's not that big of a deal but it was just disappointing.

6. On a bright note to my day when I went to visit Uncle Sherman at the hospital he told me some great stories. I always love hearing his stories. For as many times as I've mumbled about having him talk forever today I didn't want him to stop talking. I just felt so much love talking to him. He knows everyone and everything that is going on in the family. He has been so kind to me and I was so happy to be able to go see him. I love knowing a distant relative like him so well. He's working on the Bailey family genealogy for me and I will forever be grateful for that. I know Grandma Durrant would appreciate me taking the time to get to know him, and every time I see him I feel closer to her. She must be watching out for her siblings.

7. Kate and Gabriella love to dance to music, their favorite right now are the Glee songs Matt has downloaded. Every time they come on the girls drop every thing and start dancing. Kate sings and jumps around and Gabriella runs in circles trying to jump, it's too cute. Their favorite songs are 1. Don't Stop Believing 2. Hey Soul Sister 3. Teenage Dream (inappropriate content but great music).

Improvements

I've been trying hard to make a few improvements in my life. Not jut to improve but to get my priorities in line. I've watched the t.v. off a little less and played and hugged my sweet little girls a little more. I sure love these two. If I could sum them up in two sentences it would look something like this:

Kate- Imaginative, loves spending quality time with me, loves animals, family, friends, loves to read books, color, cut, glue, paint, anything creative with her hands. She's independent, cautious, loves sunbeams, and acts like a perfect angel around strangers.

Gabriella-Happy, smiles, loves to be silly, loves to do anything Kate is doing. Will give Kate any toy she asks for but if Kate doesn't ask and just takes it, Gabriella can scream and yell like no other. She's gotten good at yelling for attention, happy even when she's tired, loves her mom and dad.

Gabriella has also added a few more words to her vocabulary:
mama- (FINALLY!)
myy (Maya)
Mo (More)
Maa(Matt)
Eh(Egg)
Gak(this is her word for everything else, food, drink, toys, ect)


In other news Matt found out he got accepted for a second interview for one of the 3 Bank of America internships he applied for. It will be fun to see where life takes us over the next few years! The Lord loves us, that is more obvious to me than ever before. I have found so much joy in serving and being with others in the Ward this past month. I am so grateful for a merciful Father in heaven who blesses us when we need it the most. I'm grateful for the opportunity to go through this experience. I have grown and changed so much as a person. It has been incredibly humbling and just what I needed in my life. I love my family, I love my Savior, and I love my Father in heaven.

Scripture In Primary

Today in primary Kate did the scripture. I had tried ahead of time to prepare her, reading through scriptures that would fit the theme we were given. After reading through about 5 of them she decided she wanted to to do the first Article of Faith instead. She had memorized it this month and felt confident she could say it without any help.

When the time came I walked up with her just in case she needed a little assistance. She smiled and repeated in a loud clear tone "We believe in God the Eternal Father and in His Son Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost." I was proud of her for not needing any help and for being so brave to get up and do that in front of everyone. It seems like she has really blossomed and changed so much over the past month.

This Last Week

It's been quite the week. Matt left Thursday to fly to Phoenix for 3 interviews with Bank of America internships. We're really hoping he gets one! The day before he left he was pretty enveloped, preparing for the internship. We received a call saying we had a showing the day Matt was leaving. Gabriella had been teething all week and wasn't taking many naps or sleeping good at night, I had Joy School at our house the morning of the showing, and Matt leaving, and to top it all off we bought a puppy on Monday. Sometimes it seems like it when it rains it pours. I stressed a little but luckily everything worked out just fine. The showing went great, the people are really interested and said the house looked beautiful! (It wasn't quite as beautiful or as clean as I would have liked) Matt's interviews went well...we think, and Joy School was great fun. We're just grateful heavenly Father has blessed us with all these opportunities.

I heard a quote the other day I really liked: "Turn lemons into lemonade and pain into purpose."

She seems to have grown up so much over the past few months. She asks "why" constantly, reasons so much better than she used to, and is starting to learn to control the way she talks and reacts to situations (although that's a hard one even for adults to learn!).

Gabriella continues to learn and change almost overnight it seems. She is so much fun to be around. She is starting to speak gibberish sentences. I love hearing her learn to say words. She loves to come to me when Kate does something she doesn't want her to do. She usually just says "Gak gak!" with her concerned little face. It amazes me how much she understands and responds to things I say or tell her to do. She's 16 months and I am just so grateful to have her in our family.

Our life is so up in the air right now, but I have faith that things will all work out the way they need to. I'm so grateful to Matt who has been working hard at school and trying to get internships.

911

Gabriella called 911 on my cell phone today. That's the first time that has happened since I've had kids.

Kids say the Darndest Things

I was sitting on the counter doing my make-up the other day when Kate ran into the bathroom and after studying my backside for a minute said to me, "Mom your bum bum is huge!" "Look how big it is!"

The honestly of children, isn't it great!

Dance story

Picked Kate up from her 2nd dance class today. I asked her about the class, she didn't say much, told me some songs they danced to; the Lion King and Princess and the Frog. Then she followed that up with "Then us pretended to go poop on our skirts!" (followed by boisterous laughter). I tried to get her to explain that one a little further but all I really got out of her was that her and another little girl laughed during class at the idea of going in the corner and pretending to go poop on their ballet skirts! Of course Kate has inherited Matt's potty sense of humor.